Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
