I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
