i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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