you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
