Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
