Who wears a wallet chain?!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
