its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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