He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I want is dick and wine.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
