the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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