Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
