i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
