I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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