so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The uberlube is also flammable
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
