I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i drank out of a bidet.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
