just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
