She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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