One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i will never coherently bang her
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
