Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
