just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
