How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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