Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize