You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
