We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
