I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
