youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
