my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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