just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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