Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it's like iHOP with fire
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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