I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
