i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
