My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
