dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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