it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
cat food counts as protein by the way
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
