Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
