yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
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I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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