I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
