I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I supernannyed him into submission
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize