Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is wine microwaveable?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am one with the molecules
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
