I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
