Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
