even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
