Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
