Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
