i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
