Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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