She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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