I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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