You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
