So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
