At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
