I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize