i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
