he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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