that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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