I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
