dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
being pregnant is like rehab
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
