she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
