It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
