It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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